The Wild World of TB!

Now, I'm the first to admit, I think sponsors in paintball are kind of a joke. Unless you're getting free gear, or they're paying your travel and paint, it's not worth mentioning. A lot of people disagree with me though, just cycle through any forum and look at the signatures. It is sponsors, sponsors, and more sponsors.

So this morning I'm pointed to this:
http://www.pbnation.com/showthread.php?t=3397789

A Custom Event Jersey (Special Forces or Inmate)
A Custom event Barrel Cover (Special Forces or Inmate)

Custom Jersey
The custom jersey and barrel cover are a limited edition run made specifically for this event. You will be required to wear the jersey and play as an inmate or Special Forces. The jerseys are very cool, a collectors item and yours to keep.

If I were a sponsor, and my teams had to cover up the logos I paid money for them to wear, I'd be upset. Just sayin'.

This whole thing touches on a lot of issues at once. I won't lie, custom event stuff is cool. I like that... but being forced to wear it? Now you're back into the pit of further reducing the skill level of play. Where does it stop?

Funny to wake up and find out a bunch of people you know are now cheaters.

Player packet: When you check in you will receive a packet with a player ID card (tells about the character you are playing) and a Player Badge. DO NOT LOSE EITHER OF THESE. They will not be replaced for any reason! If you find one you must turn it in at Central Command immediately. Use of lost credentials to gain access to the enemy HQ, or acquire armband tape, is strictly prohibited.

Now, here's some funny things. For years, role cards did not have a number on them. Why? Losing it might have gotten you a replacement, but the person who found that card, it was as good as gold. No attempts to spin it otherwise can change what's well known to players who were actually there.

In the evolution of that security, teams started specially marking role cards. At each event, we had special "hole punches" in a variety of shapes, to denote that that card was verified as valid to our side, and you were allowed past the insertion point near the base. We were also writing numbers on the cards, well before there were ever blanks for them. None of this was ever about turning in lost cards, it was about base security, pure & simple. Players made their own adaptions to the rules, and didn't fucking cry about it.

Why do you think a card is even watermarked? For event immersion? No, not at all. It's because Wayne never watermarked anything. In fact, he frequently had fun poked at him because of his lack of basic security features. People sat in the parking lots with typewriters and just made their own.

Counterfeiting has always been a part of scenario culture, from props to IDs, and has never, ever been against the rules at any event I've ever played.

Anyways, here is what you should have been doing in the first place instead of relying on dropped cards:

1) Buy a laptop. It is just as an important piece of scenario equipment as your marker and mask.

2) Buy an all-in-one printer, scanner, fax machine.

3) Have power available at the field.

4) Have an internet connection. Field wifi, cell modem, tethered phone, whatever.

5) Amass a mighty collection of Fonts. See, Viper uses special fonts in an attempt to differentiate his cards and make counterfeits more difficult.

6) Go to Hobby Lobby. Buy card stock in every available color, you'll need them.

7) Go get your eyeballs on an enemy role card. Do whatever it takes. Ask nicely, hang out around registration, go look over shoulders, find a dropped one and memorize it on your "way to command central".

8) Go flex your Google skills finding a comparable image. Find the closest font you can, and make your own creation in MS Word.

9) Print it, chop it, start infiltrating.

It's not hard, just practice at it.

What the hell is Pam 'Cookie" Robertson thinking? Look, I know you want people to take you seriously and I know you want to be "someone" in this sport so bad you would sell your mother's soul to do it. But really? After this years debacle at LL3 put on by you and your flunkies, I mean come the hell on.

Jessica Sparks has nothing but respect from me, in fact I knew her personally when you were still that crazy woman that the former Lady Viper wanted to stay away from her man and you didn't even know what paintball was and thought the best thing on a saturday night was the bullwhip gangbang. But she was the only female you brought out with any real credibility in scenario paintball, other than Phoenix.

For all of your going on and on about all tuff and no fluff and the fact you crucified women on your forums for wanting to wear makeup and dress up and such. And then you turned the 'cougars' (and I use that term loosely) on them so that they could smack the younger women back into line. But then you have women dressed like this holding your banner and for the winner?

Can they play in those boots? Or that skirt? I mean sure, one of them wore a kilt but the other one's skirt was pretty short. And they had on paintball jersies, they must be players. So much for legitimizing women in paintball right? You spend all this time telling people not to use sex to sell anything in paintball and looking down on people for doing it and then you turn around and take hundreds of photos of this and put them on the stage in front of 1300+ (ha ha, my ass) players. How many do you think laughed at the site of these women? How many do think thought that they were pathetic?

I am soooo glad that I didn't go to Living Losers 3, and as far as 4 goes, I wouldn't go to it if you paid me. And with Pam weighing in on the drama fest that happened after, maybe someone should tell her to shut her fat mouth up. Wait, I am sure Ratsnake already did. I mean unless he has turned over a new leaf with all the other waffling he does these days.

Congrats Pam, you have made women a bigger joke then you perceived them to be already. You set people like Nudi and my daughter back 5 years with all your prancing around with knee boots. At least your PB "Woman" of the year dressed the part, well if you want to call it that.

I mean look at that, Ben Toricelli (I find this funny considering Ratsnake's very vocal opinion of Ben) has bigger boobs than the PB Woman. Maybe you should elect him next year. Then again maybe it makes her more aerodynamic, but really who are we kidding, thats the best that women can send to the freaking sport? Some 50+ year old woman who is known more for owning a field and putting a team of men out there and being a celebrity general? I mean I am a big guy and all, but is she going to chase me down with her walker? And how many hours did the PB Woman play? I mean was she a force to be reckoned with on the field or was it all poobah time? Elected by her peers? Is that what the industry is? I mean, how will any one who is really a player ever win? They won't, I wonder who next year's token winner will be.

And the Angel Rasta? OMG, gag me with a freaking spoon! (yes I know that is an old saying, but a rasta angel? That's like giving someone a splash anodized angel!)

Looks like someone was clearing out the warehouse, I mean hell Tippmann could have given away a Phenom/TPX combo that would have been more appealing than that, and you know how I feel about them.

But LOL, as I have told a lot of people, these days, I just don't give a shit anymore. So for the people offended by this blog, none of you liked me anyways and either banned me from your events for no damn reason or petitioned others to hate me behind the scenes. So I figured, why not give you something real to hate me about.

Enjoy!

All photos are the property of Viper/Cookie/Pbwoman/Flickr/Obama/munchkins and such. And before you start emailing me I only put that up as a courtesy:

From the mouth of Cookie herself: If you wish to have any of them, they are free for the taking.

and per the 'Bastion of Paintball Journalism' 68 Caliber: In the meantime, Pam ‘Cookie’ Robertson, HWIC of the PBWoman website and right hand (wo)man of Viper, has posted a number of photosets on Flicker and has made them publicly available.

Yep, it is in Shooting Hot magazine, along with cool pics of chicks and such.

I just hope that they don't put that 2010 PB Woman of the year in the magazine, I cringe at her "junk in the trunk".

Magazine is here: http://www.shootinghotmagazine.com/Jun10/pageflip.html

Pics for Panzer Attak were provided by Amy Lawton and you can email her Amy@SecondLookPhotography.net.

More photos are here: http://www.secondlookphotography.net/